Portrait of the Soul I Have

She walks into independent bookstores and hugs the shelves, 
she feels they deserve love

She sees ghosts out of the corner of her eye sometimes

She eats seaweed at sushi restaurants, 
it makes her feel like a mermaid

She cries at the symphony

She always laughs far too loudly at her own jokes- 
she’s the only one that finds them funny

She will always dance to music

They used to call her a buck-toothed beaver, good-two-shoes, and walking dictionary- She is still all of those things

She dreamed of being a physicist- she failed

She wants to be a Sister- 
she doesn’t know if she’s failed yet

She no longer has gaping wounds in her heart (just bruises)

She recites poetry to books of poetry, 
it’s how they understand each other

As a child, she would stare out the car window and watch the moon follow her around it made her feel special

She knows the moon is a woman and the sun is a man

She holds trauma in her body she can’t remember

She has the blood of a sorceress in her veins- she renounced it all

She was once intimidating now just silly

She knows her greatest gift will be in understanding her ordinariness

She loved boys who didn’t get her

She loved men who didn’t see

She always wears skirts and dresses

She is moved to tears by Rhothko’s Untitled

She knows what will happen before it does

She played with ouija boards until they all spoke back

She wants to be sexy but is far too awkward to pull it off

She wears black on Friday the 13th

She prays for souls every time she passes cemeteries

She feels only the trees know her

She loves learning about everything

She treasures wisdom like gold, like money, like jewels

She’s bitten into foods and cried that they were so delicious

She imagines highways and speedways are octopus arms in the sky

She feels far too much but knows no other way

She earnestly fails at prayer 

She wonders if she’s doing the right thing

She holds fear, anger, and failure in her stomach

She wants to be a writer in Paris

She’s afraid of the dark sometimes because she knows what lurks there

She secretly loves cigarettes- the nicotine is soothing

She once tried botox it worked but took away her expressions, it was far too much to give

She only wants perfection

She never believed herself to be beautiful until little by little she was told she was

She gets easily exhausted from crowds of people in stores and events

She unabashedly sings opera terribly

She desires to melt into love and cease to be

She sleeps next to a person of blankets on the other side of the bed

She has felt the pain and suffering of every human heart

She also felt the unending ocean of Mercy

She prays for the impossible- sometimes she’s sure she’ll get it

She likes playing the ukulele even if it makes her Manic or a Pixie or a Dreamgirl

She walks into stores just to see what they’re like

She doesn’t sing about “inappropriate” things

She goes to Church every Sunday 

She speaks to Saints 

She’s not a hipster but she has enough tattoos to prove it

She once flew to Portland just to see an obscure artist

She wants to experience everything

She thinks she doesn’t love enough
She wants to smile and hug every person she meets but sometimes that is too vulnerable so she hides instead

She senses wisdom in her bones

She sees truth with her eyes and feels it in her soul

She is too idealistic for war

She used to be a Democrat and then a Moderate and then a Republican but she just hates Politics now

She can’t watch horror movies, the demons will attack her

She is grateful even for her temptations

She loved too many men who gave everything but not to her

She is aware she’s an empath but is working out the kinks

She wants to speak being into existence

She has too many rosaries but always needs just one more

She wants to paint 

She finds Atheism boring

She once multiplied power readily but was saved instead

She knows what people won’t reveal anyways

She once received a reward for reading- it’s the most truthful award she’s earned

She didn’t like 5th grade- the teacher smelled of bleach and smoke

She can’t remember middle school

She was freed from possession by wondering if those ladies were nuns, “I would like to be a nun” she thought

She knows sparkly nails make her happy

She’s far too messy to keep her life in order

She is inspired by air rushing around her- it’s God playing

She knows she can do anything but all she wants is to belong to Him

She is surprised by what is happening right now

She can read your souls just by looking into your eyes

She drinks stouts, porters, and ciders- never IPAs

She’s alarmingly comfortable in dive bars

She wants to be Wonder Woman but has to be herself instead

She wants to carry the Heart of Jesus to the world

She flirted with being a missionary and then realized it could never work

She wants to be a minimalist but loves pretty things too much

She wants to cut off all her hair but that would be too shocking

She believes beauty nourishes her soul

She has prophetic dreams and will tell them to anyone who will listen

She once felt not enough- now she knows she is

She doesn’t know what she’s doing

She would like to be a musician and a writer

She likes Japanese jazz, avant garde rock, and minimalist neoclassical

She’s finally embraced her cuteness it no longer irks her

She’s a natural teacher but a terrible accountant

She goes in and out of people’s lives, she doesn’t realize she is wanted

She loves the smell of peonies, incense, and old books

She wonders if she will ever love

She has dreamt of heaven

She has once felt perfect stillness in meditation…. it was God

She believes in astrology but only at the moment of birth

She believes her students are her children

She believes jeans are for farmers

She won’t eat ice cream cake- she’s racist about it

She snorts and gasps for breath if she laughs too hard

She’s been to too many concerts- they give her existential angst

She used to write songs and do choreography for her 3rd grade band

She smiles at cashiers

She wants her nose re-pierced

She surprises those around her when she curses but she quickly goes to confession afterwards

She’s had far too many jobs

She’s in love with Talent and Intelligence and Strength

She can not fall in love with bodies, she falls in love with hearts/souls/spirits

She has spent week with sisters and nuns praying in hidden convents - it’s where she feels most comfortable

She’s an INFP, 4W5, Pisces and she believes it

She used to be in chimes

She breaks bones like people buy new cars

She dreams of studying Theology and Philosophy

She wears trench coats when it rains

She doesn’t have rain boots but she wants them

She has a bucket list that she is always checking off and adding things to

She’s infatuated with exotic names

She can’t function without caffeine

She is always bumping into things - Kateri Tekakwitha

When she passes a Catholic Church, she very excitedly waves and says “Hi, Jesus! I Love You!” She won’t stop

She was on the swim team in High School but never won any races because it was too gratifying to swim leisurely

She can’t lick her elbow but she’s tried

She picks at her skin and all her bites and scabs- she wants her skin to be perfect

She very specifically likes the color red-violet not violet-red

She once destroyed her sister’s barbie doll because she was angry

She tried to develop her psychic powers in elementary school- she’s not sure if they’ve stuck

She loves cats but is allergic- it breaks her heart

She doesn’t like the witch goblin birds that sing outside her bedroom window at midnight

She used to apologize for everything that wasn’t her fault

She wonders if she can have children- she believes she will be a bad mother

She feels guilty for not tithing enough

but she spends all her time at church

She gives away her art because it doesn’t hold any value except sentimental

She never gets a “Plus 1” to events

She watches indie movies in rundown theaters

She likes doing things by herself

She watches too many conspiracy theory videos

She eats chocolate like a koalas eat eucalyptus 

She loves the Potoo because they are strange and alien and terrifying and silly all at once like her

She loves Oxylotols because they are cute real-life pokemons and that makes her laugh

She’s a really good liar so she tries not to

She wonders what he’s doing

She always wanted red hair and green eyes- but it’s Fate that she’s Spanish and not Irish

She’s not very good at keeping a schedule

She wants to be tan but has been pale for 20 years, she’s not sure if her personality can handle the transition

She buys makeup she doesn’t wear

She believes her phone can read her mind for targeted ads

She creates characters with every hat she sees

She used to be a vegetarian for 15 years but now can’t stop eating bacon cheeseburgers

She is afraid of walking by herself late at night

She used to wear high heels until she broke both her feet

She loves musicals and children’s cartoons

She loves wry, silly, dry, and dark humor not slapstick or sarcasm, it’s mean

She wants to be known as lovely

She loves the Latin Mass and Charismatic Praise and Worship, even on the same day

She knows Jesus Christ

She wants to be a saint 

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